I really must develop this blog more so than my Tumblr creation. The pictures are all very nice but maybe its not quite what I want. I must give it more thought !
Ages since I last blogged and much has been going on, so lets begin.
I have met a few really nice guys recently and seem to be in the mood to explore the relationship thing again. Problem is I miss being loved. I guess that is us all but I really feel that I want the wonder of cuddles on a dark rainy night or the thrill of dancing with the man I love once again. Dean took that from me when we split and its been hard to replace it I have to say. Oh I can get the sex and the Video modeling has really taken off but I so want the simply pleasure of the closeness with the man I love once again.
Maybe this walk with James will see that begin again. James is certainly a lovely guy and so much of me is in him. Some will say thats a bad thing but me i think it will be good. We are off to London today. Here I sit at 2am writing a blog and I should be asleep, simply because I feel the excitement.
This last week has been frantic as well. Four nights in London two of which had me out to 3am clubbing ! With James I hear you ask, well no actually with some realy nice guys that I met in Ku-Bar and GAY before dancing the night away. Yes, Sex also happened. I am only human you no !!
Meeting Twitter buddies is also a developing trait. Met the lovely DazGale this week and have developed quite a friendship with Nortybrum, PokebumFun and Lostyorksboy. All very lovely guys and all now very close to my life !
Strange also how the anniversary of Mark's passing has hit me again this week. Lots of tears and a feeling of loss that I can't seem to shake off as easily as some friends think I ought. maybe I have to though and maybe I now even begin to see that ! He will never leave me because his memory is locked into my heart but i wonder at times if that very fact prevents me from developing the relationship i mentioned at the start. The very fact I grieve so much for Mark clouds my senses from relating to the guy before me ! I need to think on this a great deal more. I do no I need to find a way around the annual anguish because it is draining and pulls me so far down.
I also need to work on how I get a place of my own ! That subject though is for another day.
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